Decorating the tree like a pro

Here's a bit of a tutorial on how to decorate your Yule tree from someone who used to do it for a living.  Many times, people make their Charlie Brown tree make do, and if you're as uptight as I am, that simply will not do.  First, a few points:

1. use a real tree, as big as you can allow in your space

2. if you need an artificial tree, fluff it as you put it together, so it doesn't have tree-bed head


3. you will use more lights than you have on hand, get a strip connector now


4. more is pretty much always better, "simple" and "understated" just won't do for the winter holiday season


5. alcohol always helps


First, lights.  When using lights, you can string 5 together without blowing the fuse, so stack your light strings in piles of 5.  Untangle them as you go, a partner is always helpful in this respect.  Each branch gets lights woven in and around it, then pushed into the center of the tree.  String lights up and down each branch.  Our average 8' tree takes about 4000 lights, so that would be 500 lights per foot of height, on average over the whole tree.


When applying lights, make sure those tags are all cut off.  The tags look nasty and are better off in the trash.  Always push the connections way in toward the trunk.  You're not plugging anything else into them, so hide them as best you can.


Second, ornaments.  Use lots.  No, more than that.  Put the plain but shiny ones way deep in by the trunk, so they can reflect the twinkle lights and give depth to the tree.  Put the more sentimental ones out toward the exterior of the tree where people can appreciate them.  We often have three layers of simply ornaments on the tree.


If you have a special ornament, say, a heavy cat, or a heavy tree, use sturdy wire or a pipe cleaner, and put them on a lower, sturdier branch.  People may not be able to see them, but you and feel comfort in knowing they are there.  By now, you ought to be about 3 cocktails into your afternoon.


Third, garland or tinsel.  We tend to use silver glittered snowflakes for our garland, just right over the top of everything, and then put gold tinsel over the top of that.  Don't be afraid of using plenty.  This is the sparkle season, even though many people just don't get that part.


Wire garland is quite attractive, but only lasts about 2 to 3 years.  Be careful when using it, as it can sometimes springload and projectile throw your ornaments to the floor.  Sometimes it looks like razor wire.  Use discretion if deciding on wire garland; it could go quite well, or horribly awry.


I'm a purist and will always have a star on top of my tree.  It's my general thought that angels look uncomfortable with a pine-fresh suppository, so, I stick with a star.  My preference is for light-up ones, although I made the coolest star ever for mom and dad a million years ago.  We're just damn lucky that it hasn't decided to put anyone's eye out. (solid brass with 3D pointy bits)  


So, there you go, three easy steps.  Remember, go big, go sparkly, go heavy on the lights and glitter.  Got it? good.

Coming up with that list

I'm considering what to put in my ZA-survival pantry.  Things like cream of tartar are very rarely used in this house, and as I've never been a fan of meringue, I'm not seeing the need to stock it, but cat litter is on the list.  How much cat litter would we go through in a year?

From what I've been reading, taking stock of your own pantry, and your own grocery lists is the first step in this form of preparedness.  I just have to get S.D. to keep track of the things we buy at the store.  I don't think it will be a problem having him put it on an excel spreadsheet, though.  I will have an issue with keeping him from getting us a scanner gun for inventory control.

The biggest goal, outside of stopping eating GMO foods, is to create the means to shop from our pantry and save some money while building our clever foundation.  I think this is doable by simply watching sales and stocking up when they occur, on top of storing the harvest.  

I know that many people with "the pantry" don't have the presence of mind to keep chemicals apart from foodstuffs.  If you are going to keep your pantry stocked, please keep a separate closet for soaps, detergents, cleansers and chemicals.  I include shampoos and conditioners in that mix.  This is a food-service safety thing.  From working in the screen printing business, I would also encourage you to store flammable and explosive things in a room that might be referred to as a "blow off" room.  I'm also hoping you don't have that many explosives and flammable things around, generally, keeping that kind of thing is considered "bad".  I'm betting it would also render an off flavor to stored foods.

Safety first, sanity second.

I'm hoping to learn from my friend, the Queen of Meat, how to really get good bargains on double couponing and working the sales.  Not sure how this might work for foods (as we mostly buy bulk), but would certainly work for toiletries and chemicals.

One thing I will miss when the zombies finally take over is good cheese.  I'm going to have to learn to make good cheese, and figure out how to store it.  Currently though, goats are illegal in the city, so my learning curve (painfully slow) and legislation might just line up right on that one.  We'll see.

Pack Your Lunch

After working with patients and clients for a long while now, I have found an almost foolproof means of controlling calorie intake that is almost always overlooked.  Lunches.  Doing something as simple as packing your lunch and snacks for the day not only controls your cost of food, but controls your calorie intake, and gives YOU control of what you are putting into  your body.

I'm seeing people around me becoming zombies, because they don't mind what they put in their mouths, and it's almost always beige, artificial, repugnant food.  They are being willing lab rats in a grand experiment to alter the basic functioning of the human organism.  I have noticed, and look around, you'll very likely notice it, too, that those who eat beige, artificial, repugnant food (BARF) are less likely to challenge the easy way of life.  What do I mean by that?  These BARF-eating zombies do not travel upstream anymore, they do not attempt to be original or to find a way to do anything other than create bureaucratic mazes with hidden shortcuts that only a few know of in order to make life a little easier for themselves.  These lab-rats are creating their own maze to exist in, and the BARF is only enabling them.

I propose a way to break the BARF-cycle.  Pack your own lunch from food that you know is solidly under your ability to account for it's upbringing.  Food with limited GMOs, and very little beige-ness.

What should go in  your lunchbox? It's pretty much up to what you do every day, but in a broad, general sense, try for a high-protein dairy (I like Chobani Greek yogurt.  they're the little guys and are still honest), one or two pieces of fruit (I would avoid papayas, as they are mostly all GMO), about 3-4 ounces of lean protein, the equivalent of a cup and a half of vegetables, and about a half cup of starchy carbohydrate.  That all usually fits into a lunchbox snugly.  When you are performing your daily tasks and are eating, you eat from the lunchbox, and when the food is gone, you're done eating until dinner time.

And all this done and you have avoided eating any BARF.  It's healthy and easily traceable, and in no time, you'll find another side-benefit of eating food you control: your eyes open.  

Less complacency, less zombie like behavior, the more likely you are to survive the ZA.

staying currant on trees and landscaping

Last spring, I started plans to redesign our lot (read: tiny, city lot) with what's called Edible Landscaping.  Instead of trees, shrubs and vines that are here for purely visual aesthetics, I am planting trees, shrubs and vines that will produce food.  I've even ripped out one or two bushes that just needed TO GO away to make room for this new plan.

The tough part of this plan is that vegetables really don't grow on trees. hmmph.

So, this spring, we put in a Reliance peach tree (hardy to Zone 4), three blueberries (one died, need to replace that) and two baby paw paws.  As we live in the micro culture of Minneapolis, the paw paws ought to do alright here, evidenced by the one we've had growing for >3 years in the front yard.  My error with the baby paw paws is that I planted peppers near them, and I probably should have planted bush beans.  This will be remedied next spring.

What's the deal with beans as opposed to peppers?  beans will actually improve the soil and encourage growth of plants near them actively as they grow and just exist.  Peppers are heavier feeders.

This fall, we received two pear (Bartlett and Kieffer) trees and three hazelnut trees.  The hazelnut trees are part of a research study done by people who think they are going to feed the world with hazelnuts.  These are winter hardy varieties of some hybrid.  Don't care. planted three.

I was going to plant an elderberry bush or two out front after ripping out the forsythia.  I'm really looking instead at the smaller and more prolific black currant bush of a Scottish variety.  Gotta do more research into this.  I don't believe we have any white pine here.  in the city. away from all the other trees. in the city.  for white pine blister to be an issue.

The cherry tree that could really did, and we canned more cherries that I care to pit in an afternoon or week.  I won't complain, though, I will have to learn how to use those cherries, however.

Somehow, I'd like to put an arbor or a something to grow actual grapes on.  That might get invasive, but right now, with snow on the ground, it sounds appealing.  I'll keep you updated.

Our big plan

Well, people might ask when we’re expecting the Zombie Apocalypse (ZA) to happen, and our answer is becoming more and more, right now.  Through television, Genetically Modified Organisms, weird food science, and constant bit streaming, it’s happening.  People are getting more and more zombie like every day, not the run of the mill rage zombies, but shufflers.  When you go to your average mart-mart or supermarket, watch the people around you, tuned out, shuffling, and eating synthetic garbage.

We feel that the food and mental issues going on in our modern society is creating the ZA, and it’s happening right now.  People are becoming more easily controlled and complacent as living in touch with the Earth becomes more and more distant.  Have you noticed that those who are not complacent are the ones who are not eating a diet of total packaged foods, who have turned the television off, who are physically active, and who are in touch with the Earth?

So, our Big Plan is to avoid becoming zombies, and to survive the ZA.  The shufflers will follow the old, beaten down path that all shufflers have trod before, we’ll make our own path and find new things. 
When is the Zombie Apocalypse?  It’s now.  You’re soaking in it.

starting out

I keep getting told about how cool the things are that my husband and I do.  I've often thought about starting a blog to share what we're doing and how we're doing it, today was the day I decided to start it all up.  I invite you to travel with us as we get as far off the grid in the city as we can get, get away from Genetically Modified Organisms as far as we can get, and make our own path away from how "tradtional norms" decide we ought to live.

This ought to be interesting.